“Cause for Celebration? Two Hours of Co-Parenting at Kids' Birthday Parties - Huffingtonpost.com” plus 1 more

Cause for Celebration? Two Hours of Co-Parenting at Kids' Birthday Parties - Huffingtonpost.com

Posted: 01 Feb 2011 10:51 AM PST

If you are divorced and have kids under sixteen together, you can count on trying to get along at one annual gathering if nothing else. It's something that won't change like child support calculations or the way you look at his girlfriend or future wife: it's your kid's birthday party.

Take a mild-mannered mom and throw her into the mix with her ex-husband at a sports complex for their six-year-old's birthday party, and suddenly, she's standing on a basketball court coordinating with the dad, her ex, to do a final headcount and determine who remembered candles for the cake. With Starbucks in hand, wishing it were a Vodka Collins, she's the perfect parent and hostess, well-mannered mom and civil divorcee. That was me, yesterday, at my son's party.

Add a few more variables into the party and you have the makings of a perfect storm, yet a rare time when everyone in the room will sweep reality and conflicts under the rug for the benefit of the birthday child. The dad's new girlfriend, the mom's revealed partner, ex sisters-in-laws and concerned grandparents, soon to be stepsons and a dozen moms from school there to watch the family circus. But all remains calm. It's a celebration!

But look closely, and the most observant parent will pick up on the underlying tension just teetering beneath the streamers. The exes work together to put on a happy face, but maybe it's not such a stretch on an afternoon like this--there is a joint sense of happiness for the birthday boy and a strange feeling of accomplishment we can all actually stand here. The divorce took away the kid's "normal" life and brought endless logistical nightmares of living in two homes, but all is well on the birthday day. He's getting his happy celebration just like everyone else if it's the last thing we do.

So we do it. No matter that I'm busy checking out my ex's new girlfriend, from the estimated size of her jeans (Paige Premium Denim? Size two?) to the way she chats away with the guy who used to be my brother-in-law. She's watching me, too, I know. (My jeans are not a size two, but I know I look good today.)

Together, my ex and I take pictures, cheer the kids on in dodgeball, and, later, watch our son blow out the candles on his cake. When the knife comes out--a big one--I hold it high above my head as I make my way through the cramped room to cut the cake. I see people watching me and I want to laugh. There was a time (A year ago? Yesterday?) when several people in this room, myself included, would have liked to take that knife and jab it right into someone else! But moments later, my girlfriend and my ex-brother in law are successfully working together to cut and serve the still very-frozen Oreo ice cream cake.

Two hours after it began, what's left is a cart piled high with presents and a sense of relief at a job well done. All the adults acted like adults, not children! Our son had a great time. And everyone survived. For an afternoon, we were almost like a "normal" family. But as we divide up the presents to go to "my" house and "Dad's" house, and get stuck in the awkward moment of who should plop down the credit card, I am shaken out of my relaxed state. I have to say goodbye to my son, because it's his night with his dad. I won't hear whatever he has to say about his party, or be able to kiss him goodnight after this special day. Tonight, the reality of being a family of divorce will kick in again, for all of us, as we scramble to find the right basketball shoes or realize a homework folder is at the wrong house.

I am ready for that drink now.

This entry passed through the Full-Text RSS service — if this is your content and you're reading it on someone else's site, please read our FAQ page at fivefilters.org/content-only/faq.php
Five Filters featured article: Collateral Damage - WikiLeaks In The Crosshairs.

Ostrow: Comcast ups anxiety quotient with missing-kid clips - Denver Post

Posted: 01 Feb 2011 12:06 AM PST

Comast's "Missing Kids On Demand" is a first-of-its-kind public-service initiative.

Comcast proudly unveiled the latest use of its On Demand service this week: Right there next to the movies, sports and dating on demand, is a new section devoted to missing children.

The visuals are upsetting: Here's how they looked when last seen; here's a digitally altered rendering of how they'd look now — in some cases many years later.

"Missing Kids On Demand" is a first-of-its-kind public-service initiative, intended to deal with the fact that, Comcast noted, "every year, an estimated 800,000 children are reported as missing in the United States."

That's more than 2,000 missing kids a day, the group notes.

"The information you provide could be the answer to someone's prayers," an on-screen hostess says.

But wait.

Readers with long memories will recall The Denver Post's series in 1985 that debunked the "national paranoia" surrounding missing kids, won a Pulitzer Prize and led to changes in the way organizations approached the issue.

Back then, the story of missing children was stoked by low-tech pictures on milk cartons. Today, it has graduated to On Demand in your living room — and online everywhere.

Technology has changed. Cellphones play a vital role in keeping kids connected to parents. But the paranoia about missing children is the same.

Most — that is, 99 percent — of so-called kidnapping cases are really runaways or custody disputes, the research found, both then and now. In a lengthy update on the phenomenon last year, The Post's Kevin Simpson reported that "a quarter- century later, authorities have a more clearly defined, technologically equipped and well-organized response to such cases. And yet, some experts say, parental anxiety over child safety has only intensified."

The Comcast effort would seem to fall into the category of fueling the paranoia.

Diana Kerekes, Comcast's vice president, Entertainment Services, said in a statement, "We've seen real success with other public-service initiatives available on our platforms such as Police Blotter, Stand Up To Cancer and the Pink Ribbon Campaign, and we hope this partnership can help drive awareness of missing children."

Comcast's Missing Kids On Demand and online feature, produced in partnership with the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children, based in Virginia, contains 20 video profiles of missing children from across the country. Dramatic music, heart-rending film footage of a toddler's empty shoes and urgent narration fill the two- to three-minute clips.

The organization has been around for more than 25 years. It's careful not to call the missing-kid cases "kidnappings." Certainly this effort is well-meant but it raises questions for those who've followed the issue.

Ernie Allen, president and CEO of the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children, disagrees: "I don't agree this creates fear. This is an elective option that users of Comcast On Demand can chose to go to, just like they can look at the bulletin board at Walmart. Our core premise here is, it works."

Allen noted that the group similarly partnered with Facebook recently to create Amber Alert pages.

Just like the pictures on the milk cartons, the on-demand videos are oddly anxiety-producing. At least they're not put in school cafeterias unsolicited.

Let's also note the timing.

This new, extra programming is part of Comcast's attempt to beef up its public-service attributes to ensure that the government continues to look kindly on its plan to take over NBC Universal.

Does that amount to a different kind of paranoia? You know what Joseph Heller said:

"Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't after you."

Joanne Ostrow: 303-954-1830 or jostrow@denverpost.com

Kids Shoes

Tuesday, February 1, 2011